Vicevi

balcan girl · 16 Jun, 2011, 14:18

zasto 100% muskaraca voli oralni sex?
5% voli dominantnost
5% voli osecaj
90% voli tisinu

SSZGO · 16 Jun, 2011, 15:18

pa ne treba da bude tisina...

MotoManijak · 16 Jun, 2011, 15:32

treba da ti peva dok ti pusi

joka · 16 Jun, 2011, 15:39

I svira usnu harmoniku!

Aussweis · 16 Jun, 2011, 18:16

©ta nosi zec na leðima dok leti??

Aussweis · 16 Jun, 2011, 18:18

ORLA!

balcan girl · 16 Jun, 2011, 23:07

Otac, koji je veæ napunio 50 godina starosti ka¾e:
- “Sine, ja bi hteo da postanem deda. Zna¹ li ti da jebe¹?”
- “Znam, znam tata! Da ne znam, ti bi veæ bio deda!”

balcan girl · 16 Jun, 2011, 23:08

Za¹to o¾enjen mu¹karac ne mo¾e da spava posle dobrog sex-a?
Mora da ide kuæi!

balcan girl · 16 Jun, 2011, 23:16

Iz dnevnika idealne supruge

Probudila sam se.

Umila se brzo, pomuzla krave, dala koko¹ima i zeèevima da jedu,
isterala koze i krave na pa¹u.

Probudila sam decu, napravila im doruèak, spakovala ih za ¹kolu,
odvezla ih u ¹kolu, pokosila travu.

Oti¹la sam na posao, posvaðala se sa ¹efom, izbacila ga iz kancelarije,
obraèunavala putne naloge, zaraðivala novac za firmu, zaradila platu.

Do¹la sam kuæi, iscepala metar drva, skuvala ruèak, dovela decu iz
¹kole, nahranila ih, prijavila porez na dobit, i¹la u polje da okopam
kupus i krompir do mraka, stigla do frizera.

Vratila sam se kuæi, uterala krave i koze u ¹talu, spremila veèeru,
obnovila osiguranje za auto putem interneta.

Nahranila decu, okupala ih, stavila ih u krevet, oprala ma¹inu ve¹a,
platila raèune putem interneta, pregledala po¹tu, obesila ve¹, pojela
koru hleba sa puterom i medom
Kada sam se konaèno spremila za spavanje, pade mi na pamet:

U®AS!

Moj mu¾!!

Ceo dan le¾i na kauèu nepojeban !!

monsterbnt · 16 Jun, 2011, 23:24

Apple does it again.
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.
The iTit will cost between $499.00 and $699.00 depending on speaker size.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

monsterbnt · 16 Jun, 2011, 23:26

Dear Tech Support,

Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and overnight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system.
Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or house-cleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness.
Can you help, please!!

Sincerely,
XXX

horizontal rule

Dear XXX,

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible.

Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory.

Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0.
However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.

Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3.

I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPF's). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system.

Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature, enter the command "C: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".
Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command.
Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPF's, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C: I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations.

Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create fatally files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!

Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPF's, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran.
Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend hotfoot 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.

After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in the coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

Tech Support
Customer Relations Representative

joka · 16 Jun, 2011, 23:34

Balkan- Irena, vicevi su ti nesumnjivo najbolji, nemam dovoljno pluseva da ih izdelim, svaka èast da ih popamti¹ toliko!

balcan girl · 16 Jun, 2011, 23:49

hahahahaha neke prepisem moram da priznam al vecinu pamtim

hvala hvala

mkt · 17 Jun, 2011, 21:14

Sudija u Hagu:
• G. ©e¹elj, molim vas odgovarajte sa DA ili NE.
©e¹elj:
• Ne mogu se adekvatno bvaniti sa DA ili NE. Mogu li ja Vas da pitam ne¹to, a Vi da mi odgovovite sa DA ili NE?
Sudija:
• Mo¾ete.
©e¹elj:
• Znaju li Va¹i voditelji da ste Vi pedev?

balcan girl · 18 Jun, 2011, 02:11

Zalila se Fata prijateljici da je uhvatila Muju kako drka u kupaonici.
- I sta bi? – pita prijateljica Fatu.
- Kako sta bi? Popusim mu. Lakse mi je oprati zube nego plocice. – odgovori Fata.

dzimika · 18 Jun, 2011, 13:10

Raduju se dva spermatozoida u zenskom telu:

- Ja cu biti decko...

- A ja devojcica...

...Kaze im govance....

- Ne zelim vas razocarati, ali nista od toga...

prpa_zr · 19 Jun, 2011, 00:05

Citat: dzimika poslato 18 Jun, 2011, 13:10
Raduju se dva spermatozoida u zenskom telu:

- Ja cu biti decko...

- A ja devojcica...

...Kaze im govance....

- Ne zelim vas razocarati, ali nista od toga...

hahahahahahaha

ima i druga verzija kad progovara karijes..

odlièan

Iron Runner · 19 Jun, 2011, 01:11

Kaze jedan decak policajcu:
-Ciko, ja cu da vas pojedem !
Pandur ce:
-Ajde mali ne jedi govna !

Iron Runner · 19 Jun, 2011, 01:11

Stoje i cekaju autobus : mama, njena beba i jedan pandur.
Nakon dezeg cekanja pocne beba plakati :
- Mama, mama hoce li vise taj autobus ?
Mama odgovara :
- Hoce sine samo da ga cika opere.
Posle nekog vremena ponovo ce sin :
- Mama, mama jeli ga cika vise oprao ?
Mama odgovara :
- Jeste sine samo da ga cika popravi.
Pandur vec nervozno seta unaokolo. Beba ce ponovo:
- Mama, mama je li ga cika popravio ?
Mama odgovara :
- Jeste sine samo da ga ofarba.
Pandur sav iznerviran kaze :
- U pi~~u materinu, sad je nasao da ga farba !!!

Iron Runner · 19 Jun, 2011, 01:13

Obijena kuca nekog antikvara i naravno, plavci dosli da naprave uvidjaj.
- Mozete li mi tacno reci sta vam je odneto? - upita vlasnika jedan pajkan vadeci beleznicu.
- Pa, kao prvo, dva svajcarska sata, oba stara oko 150 godina. Zatim su mi odneli...
Tu ga pajkan prekinu:
- Polako, polako... Nama je, znate, svaki podatak vazan. Recite, jesu li ti satovi bili digitalni?